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I can point to the exact moment everything changed. There's a clear before and after in my life, and my system never really returned to how it was before that.

From that point on, something felt off in a way I couldn't fully explain. Sleep stopped restoring me the same way. I felt more alert than I should have been, even when things were calm. It wasn't extreme, but it was constant enough that I knew something hadn't resolved.

I tried everything. Therapy, nervous system work, supplements, diet changes, acupuncture, even plant medicine. Some of it helped temporarily, and I did get relief at times, but nothing actually stopped the reaction pattern.

At a certain point, I realized this wasn't something I could just manage. It felt like something deeper had reorganized in my system, and everything else was just working around it.

When I found Clove, I didn't book right away. I went into the library first and spent time going through the material. The way cases were mapped and broken down really stood out to me. It wasn't just about symptoms, it showed how things layer and build, and how there's a structure behind what's happening.

That's what made it click. I could see my situation in clarity. The idea that a single unresolved moment could reorganize everything else made immediate sense.

When my case was mapped, it confirmed exactly what I had felt but couldn't articulate. That moment had reorganized my system, and everything after that had been compensation.

What stood out most was identifying where things had stopped moving, where the system was still holding that memory.

Within a few days of the assessment, things started to shift. My sleep became deeper and more restorative. That underlying sense of alertness settled. My system no longer felt like it was compensating in the same way.

Now, everything is stable, but if I ever need to I will be back.

After a strong psychedelic experience, I expected to feel more clear and aligned. In ways I did, but there was also a lingering instability that didn't go away. It felt like my system had split open, but never really came back into place. My sleep became lighter and more inconsistent I would have waves of intensity come up without any clear reason. At times I was overstimulated, and at others completely drained. It was impossible to find a steady rhythm again.

I took integration seriously. Some of it made a difference in the moment, and I did feel better at times. It felt like I was managing it rather than actually moving through it.

A friend of mine had worked with Clove the year before and recommended reaching out. What they described felt different from anything I had tried. They said it helped them understand what was actually going on underneath everything, not just how to cope with it.

Going through my case helped put words to what I had been feeling but couldn't explain. It became clear that too much had been activated at once, and my system didn't really know how to process it.

After the first remedy Clove recommended, I noticed a change almost immediately. My whole body relaxed in a way I hadn't felt in years. It was subtle but very clear. I felt like myself again, like how I remember feeling when I was around fourteen, before all of this started building.

I ended up taking a second remedy after that, and at that point I honestly wasn't sure if it was something magical or just Clove's level of precision, but everything continued to come back into place. It felt like I was finally back on track.

What's interesting is that this was what I thought I was going to receive from the plant medicine, but didn't. 

From there, things continued to settle. The intensity became less unpredictable and my system started to come down on its own. My sleep improved and there was a feeling things were integrating without me having to constantly work.

Looking back, the one-month immersion helped me put my puzzle pieces back together I no longer feel like such a mess, I am back to being me.

I had a pretty clear idea of how I wanted my birth to go, and it didn't happen that way. There were interventions I hadn't agreed to, and in the moment I didn't feel like I had a say. It's hard to explain, but there was this underlying feeling of powerlessness. Looking back, it felt like that experience crossed a line for me.

Afterward, I didn't feel like myself. My body felt raw, like everything was too close to the surface. Sleep was broken, even when the baby was sleeping. Emotionally, I was all over the place. Sometimes I felt numb, like I couldn't access anything, and other times I was totally overwhelmed.

My baby was struggling too. They were really sensitive, hard to calm down, there was this feeling that we weren't fully in sync. I couldn't relax into being with them. There was a disconnect I couldn't fix, no matter how much I cried and tried to soothe or adjust.

Working with Clove helped me see it differently. It wasn't just about me recovering or the baby adjusting. It was that the birth had impacted both of us at the same time, in a way it affected how we were relating to each other. What helped me out was understanding where things had kind of “paused” for each of us during the birth experience.

As I started to calm, I noticed my baby began to too. I wasn't forcing or constantly working at it. Things just started to be more natural between us. I felt like a real mother. Our sleep improved, there was an ease that hadn't been there before. We felt more connected, more in rhythm.

There wasn't one big event or anything obvious that caused me to contact Clove. It's just how things had always been for me. I could function, work, build a life and make good money, and from the outside everything looked like it was going well. But none of it really felt like winning. It was like I was always a step removed from my own life. I wasn't struggling in a way people could point to, but I wasn't really feeling connected to anything. I just accepted that as my normal and kept moving forward.

The depression wasn't extreme, it was just always there in the background. Even when things were going well, there wasn't much of a shift. I could reach goals, build something up, and it still felt pretty much the same afterward. I went through the usual options, saw psychiatrists, tried medication, did therapy. I learned how to manage and keep everything running, but it never actually changed how I experienced my life. I stopped expecting it to.

Working with Clove was different because it wasn't treated like something was wrong. It was more about how my life had been set up from the beginning and how that shaped everything else. What stood out was realizing that I had never fully stepped into anything in the first place. It wasn't something that happened later, it was just how my system had been the whole time, pulled back without me really noticing it.

The recommendation I got was based on my life patterns, not on symptoms or what I was dealing with day to day. The shift wasn't dramatic right away but clear over time. I was actually present instead of just going through everything automatically. There was a warmth in my chest for the first time ever. It wasn't a big breakthrough moment, it was more like a radiating electric feeling.

Today, I feel alive again. I can't really believe it sometimes. But I am connected with life again. And operating in “wholeness” like Clove said.